Well...

Well, here we go again...

Josh and I have decided that we're ready for a second little Looten running around our house! If nothing else, Laney needs to share with someone, because she is a TAD on the spoiled side!

Our original plans were to have another one this summer (like, get pregnant when Laney turned one). But, when that day came, we realized that nothing had changed in our lives to allow us to think we could responsibly afford a second kid. A second baby comes with doctor's bills (and lots, because of the diabetes), another daycare payment, more clothes, more diapers, more everything. And, honestly, while we were doing fine last September, we didn't have a spare $700 a month, which would have been the extra daycare payment. So we made the difficult decision to postpone. Honestly, I was not quite ready to get pregnant last September. I was still nursing Elena, which meant that my body was not my own. To have gotten pregnant immediately would have meant that my body would STILL not be my own. Although, I treat it better when someone else depends on it, so maybe we should have gotten pregnant!

Regardless, we decided to wait another year. And, as of a month ago, Josh has gotten a promotion with a significant raise, and we've changed daycare, which has cut our daycare costs a lot! We now pay $125 a month for Laney, instead of $170!! And in September (when she turns two) we'll only pay $100. So, with those two changes, we are in a position to afford another baby. Plus, I definitely have "the itch" again. I miss being pregnant- feeling a baby moving around inside me, knowing that there's life in there. And, well, it's just time. I've been longing to be pregnant again for several months, but the timing works best to start trying now (then I have the summer with him/her). As I've watched my "baby buddies" (April & Liz Horn, who both had kids about the same time as Laney) both get pregnant again (Liz just had her new little girl, April still isn't even telling people she's pregnant) I've just really felt that tug.

So, we're off to try again! We're starting next week; I stopped my birth control last week. With more purposeful planning this time, I'm hoping that we can get pregnant on schedule. I am working all this summer (I usually take off July) so that I can have all of my 38 extended contract days in by the end of Spring Break, so I don't have to work next June. That will give me all of June and July off. And, if we get pregnant right away (this month), the baby will be due mid-April, so I'll have my six weeks, then those two months. Which will be awesome, because leaving Laney at 6 weeks was the hardest thing I've ever done. Not that leaving a baby at 4 months will be any easier, but at least we'll have a little more time at home.

Anyway... that's probably enough rambling. As with the first time, I am obsessing... I am working, but it's not busy, so I just sit and think about the what if's: What if we don't get pregnant? What if it's a girl? What if it's a boy? Where will we put a new baby? And a new baby's stuff?! How will Laney handle it? Truman? All of the questions... I just wish I was busy! I never was very good at the waiting part! And with Josh out of town this week, I have no one to share those thoughts with... Laney talks a lot, but I'm not sure I could trust her to keep a secret!! And I'm worried about being pregnant with a 2 year old running around. The whole first trimester last time I basically came home and passed out on the couch as soon as school was over... what am I going to do with Laney running around? Will I still be sick in the evenings? My job requires a lot of evening work... what then?

And, again, that's why I started this blog... I need to talk, and this gives me someone to "talk" to, and let's me record what I'm thinking and what's happening for all the people I would normally tell, and can't (Mom, Ruth, Jess, etc.). Plus, I did it for Laney, and I'm determined to do the same things for a new baby (blog for a year, nurse for a year, lots of pictures... all of that!).

Oh, I can't wait... I love the new addition to our family already, and God hasn't even started working on him/her yet! Well, maybe He's started... but the whole knitting thing hasn't happened yet! :)